


Till The Next Fire

by ChristinaCC



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tenderness, The Tenderness They Both Deserve, beyond lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-03-29 15:16:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19022539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristinaCC/pseuds/ChristinaCC
Summary: He always hears her heartbeats in the fire.It all started from the first time they fought side by side with each other.They've both walked a long way, and here's some tenderness they both deserved.7 Chapters, 7 steps toward each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much. : )
> 
> This is my first time posting original work on AO3. I've tried my best to understand the characters and give them an alternate story they deserve without making it too out-of-character. Sort of related to the MCU and the original comics, but with some divergence.

**Till The Next Fire (1/7)**

 

He always hears her heartbeats in the fire.

That was the first time they ever faced some super-natural force, from the universe outside of the Solar System, somewhere far beyond his knowledge and comprehension.

The entire New York City was at war. He had nothing but a shield, standing back to back with her, defending the city as the two only avengers remained on the ground battlefield. He had to keep an close eye on her movements while overseeing the entire situation over his comms, because - to be honest, their enemies weren’t worth observing, since they seemed to have no strategy whatsoever. They just kept appearing from all directions, overpowering their thin (literally two-people) defense line with pure numbers. He had to keep an close eye on her moves to be able to follow her unbelievably fast reactions and provide timely support.

On her wrists she wore her signature widow bites, which he could not imagine how many times she had practiced with to make her movements so smooth; around her waist she carried explosives as aggressive as the red of her hair, and the black rope that allowed her to climb on any surface with incredible agility; along her thighs she tied the double guns that she could aim so well with; on her ankles her delicate daggers were flickering lights in the fire.

He only worked with a shield, so he had no idea how she could possibly shift among so many weapons so seamlessly, while always making the right call at the correct moment. Her eyes were fixed on the enemies in front of her, yet she could always notice the dangers behind him. She would throw him a look after saving him from an enemy jumping to his back, and lift her chin with half pride and half warning - “watch out for your six o’clock, Cap!”

He’d never seen someone so fearless on a battlefield, let alone the fact that they were fighting super-natural enemies whose number and power were both mysteries.

Lasers and gun shots exploded around them, causing dust and fire to extend toward the sky. They were surrounded by the gray of the battlefield, and the sky only became blue again hundreds of meters above the ground.

He finally grasped her rhythm of attack. He could now throw his shield at the enemies when she was under attack, and catch the weapons she threw back at him when he had to deal with his own situation. He could trust her enough to leave everything behind him completely to her, and only focus on the front even when he noticed the attacks from his back. He no longer needed her to distract herself to remind him of any danger, and now he could follow her signals without having to observe her moves.

He felt like he was following a drum beat, and as long as he acted according to the rhythm, they could fight together like a perfect pair.

Steve looked up - there was still a big hole ripped open in the sky, the enemies still kept flooding out without an end, and the fire around them only got more and more fierce. She just killed the last enemy in this round of fight. With fire burning behind her, she stood in front of him, and shook off the sweat and dust that got in her way.

“Give me a lift.” She commanded, and flashed a quick smile.  
“Are you sure about this?” Steve tried to read her expressions, but she was ready, preparing to take off.  
“Oh it’s gonna be fun.”

Her black suit was shiny even when it was covered with dust. Her red hair was burning in the light of fire, and when she stared at him, he could only see confidence and fearlessness in those bright eyes. So he ducked down, put up his shield, and counted her accelerating steps and the drum beat in his heart. He sent her up the moment she landed on his shield, and he felt her strength through the vibration. The rhythm in his ears suddenly became louder, sending waves of strength through his body with each drum beat.

When he stood up again, she was already up on an alien’s jet, taking down enemies and flashing him one last proud smile before disappearing from his sky.

He had no time to watch her fly, because another wave of enemies was approaching, and he had to adjust to a new battlefield with no partner to watch his back, no drum beat to lead his attack.

 

————-

That was the first time Steve ever fought side by side with Agent Romanoff. The seamless cooperation and trust on the battlefield had, of course, brought them an indescribable sense of warmth. But when they stepped out of their suits and met outside of the battles, Steve always felt like he knew nothing about Agent Romanoff herself.

It was a week ago when Steve first caught Agent Romanoff off guard before she could put on a mask. That was when they learned about Agent Barton’s compromise.

Steve happen to have caught her expression when Nick Fury announced the news. He watched as the emotions shifted on her face, from shock to panic to concern, and then to anger. Her eyes were following Fury the whole time. As soon as he finished briefing the mission, she jumped down the bridge with a quick nod and disappeared.

At the moment, Steve was a bit shocked by seeing how much emotions Agent Romanoff, the famously professional assassin, had allowed herself to let out. With a gut instinct, he turned to Fury, wanting to question if she would be a good fit for the mission.

But Fury answered before he could open his mouth to ask, “No one knows better than her, in terms of bringing a brainwashed person back.”

That was also Steve’s first time seeing her on an actual mission.

Before, she’d always been the amiable and playful employee sent by S.H.I.E.L.D. to help him adjust to the 21st century. She’d always been acting when she was with him, making funny or warm remarks that had obviously been rehearsed.

But now, he was watching her carry an unconscious Hawkeye towards the chair in front of him with apparent ease. He watched as she threw Hawkeye in the chair and cuffed his hands in one smooth movement, and saw her fling open the medicine cabinet to grab an ice pack for Hawkeye’s swelling forehead that was clearly caused by her. Only then did she turn towards him to give a delayed acknowledgment, “Okay Cap. You can’t be much of a help here.”

Steve turned around to leave the room, and closed the door behind him.

It was also on that day, he started to feel irresistibly curious about her.

She seems to know everyone’s thoughts and feelings inside out, she’s a master of manipulating emotions - either to provide the warmest comfort to those she cares about, or to play tricks on those she doesn’t give a damn about.

\- But he knows nothing about her. The story behind her last name, the reason she trained herself (or maybe was trained) to be a fighter, the whole story of her joining S.H.I.E.L.D., the connection between her and brainwashing, and the relaxed, flirty mask that she wears all the time - how much of it is who she truly is?

That night when they had dinner at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s cafeteria, Steve saw Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton sitting at a table not far from him. Agent Barton was making a joke while cutting his beef tenderloin, and Agent Romanoff laughed with such honesty as she took the freshly-cut piece from his plate. Nothing suggestive, no power play either. It was just a natural habit between two best friends who shared years of past and the deepest trust. That was probably the only time he’d ever saw a corner of the real her. Steve thought to himself as he smudged the pesto on his beef tartare.

 

———-

For a long time after that, Steve kept finding himself observing Agent Romanoff.

At first, he could explain it as his leadership instincts to understand his team and his curiosity for his fellow comrades. But the high-sounding explanations all sounded fake as soon as he caught himself imagining about her past.

It’s completely fine to fantasize about someone’s life you’re curious about, of course - he sometimes fantasizes about Tony’s careless life before he met Pepper. After all he’s extremely interested in how his virtuous old friend Howard ended up with a son like Tony. Or Doctor Banner - he’s also curious about Banner’s past. The struggles he had to go through when he first discovered the big green thing living inside his body. Steve cared about his team.

But for Agent Romanoff, his guilt came from the fact that his fantasies all tend to diverge from the questions themselves, and instead focus on something else about her -

That day, when Steve walked into the conference room, she was teasing Tony about how she had tricked him when she was disguised as his secretary (Steve had no idea she used to be his secretary. Somehow he found this new knowledge very entertaining). And that was the first time he had saw Tony completely speechless. He’d almost laughed when he caught a glimpse of Tony’s face. But when he turned around to hide his smirk by logging new reports to Jarvis, he suddenly found himself creating images in his head.

Thin high-heels knocking on the marble floor of the Stark Tower. Her ankles revealed at the bottom a slim-fit pants. Those curves stretching and shrinking along with the rhythm of her walk. Above her waist, she’s wearing a thin blazer. Then a delicate shirt buttoned to the second one down her collar bones. The red curly hair is nicely tied up, with its tips brushing the exposed skin at her collar.

She’s holding a cup of Starbucks coffee with one hand, and a folder with another. She’s walking down in a long, spacious hallway in the Stark Tower, completely ignoring the views of New York City on either side that Tony is always so proud of. Tony is walking behind her. He seems to be very annoyed by the fact that she’d rather have Starbucks coffee than the high-end coffee beans roasted in his tower, but apparently he’s still too intimidated by his new secretary to make a comment.

Steve was so amused by the poor Tony in his imagination that he was snapped out of his fantasy by his own laugh. He lifted his eyes and saw Tony raising his eyebrow at him, “Alright, man. You’re such a great leader to our team. Thanks for being so supportive of Red’s _let’s-all-laugh-at-Tony-Stark_ career.”

“I have to say, I do enjoy seeing you laughed at,” Steve shrugged, and heard Natasha’s whistle behind him. He pretended to focus on logging in data with Jarvis, but he could not stop feeling guilty.

He should not have had such detailed fantasies about his teammates - or a particular teammate. As a natural leader, he knows about his boundaries very well - he could allow himself to be curious about the reason she was disguised as his secretary. He could even allow himself to be curious about how others teased Tony Stark and made him speechless.

But her look in a delicate shirt, and the curve of her ankles exposed underneath her slim-fit pants, were something he could not allow himself to imagine.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agent Romanoff has no scent.  
> Steve came to this conclusion after a long period of contemplation - about why he’s so irresistibly curious about her. 
> 
> This specific chapter is set during 2nd Captain America movie, Winter Soldier.

**Till The Next Fire (2/7)**

 

Agent Romanoff has no scent.  
Steve came to this conclusion after a long period of contemplation - about why he’s so irresistibly curious about her.

That was the first rain of New England’s summer, Steve crossed the Brooklyn Bridge at five o’clock in the morning, and ran along the Hudson River till he reached Columbus Circle. It was not even seven when he finished a loop around the Central Park. Steve sat down on a partially-sheltered bench under a tree to shake off the rain in his hair. The city was always empty in rains, and the smell of damp mud reminded him of the wartime New York from seventy years ago.

He would unconsciously take in a deep breath after a long run, and close his eyes to distinguish the familiar scents in the humid air.

“I didn’t know super soldiers also had to keep up with their work out routines. I mean, even in rain.”

Steve opened his eyes, and saw a head of soaked red hair. Natasha had apparently also just finished her run. She was standing in front of him, taking down the towel around her neck. She looked up at the tree canopy and maneuvered into a more sheltered area.

Until she spoke, he had not noticed her getting close at all.  
She was imperceptible every time she approached him - even with his super-soldier senses.

Steve lifted his chin, “How about you, Agent Romanoff? I’ve never seen you run in the park.”

Natasha was tilting her head to wipe her hair, but seemed to then decide against it - she would probably get wet again in the rain anyways. She put her towel back around her neck, “If it’s not obvious enough for you, American Sunshine, us assassins don’t usually work out in broad daylight. I work out in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s gym on the sub-sixth floor every night, and only enjoy a run outside on rainy days.”

Steve laughed a little. Her sarcasm was fair. He did ask a dumb question.

That was when he realized suddenly - as a professional spy and a sneaky assassin, Natasha never wears any perfume. Even when she showers, she would only use scentless shampoo and soaps. She’s one of the few people who can get infinitely close to him without him noticing, because she never makes a sound even when she walks.

Her scent and her steps are both part of her disguise - when she puts on a certain perfume or clicks the ground with her heels, she is usually using these details to shape the roles she has to play - aggressive or seductive, strong or fragile.

Maybe she’s only Natasha Romanoff when she has no scent on her.  
He’d never realized this before, and maybe that’s why he could never find an answer about her.

With this revelation, Steve looked up again to see the Natasha standing in the morning rain. He suddenly realized this was probably one of Natasha’s most real and naked moments - no, he shouldn’t have used that word. Steve knew he must be blushing.

“Are you going to the Stark Tower after this? I’m guessing they didn’t spare you from the 8 a.m. meeting.” She already started walking back into the rain, “but you got to wait for me when we pass Starbucks. I’m grabbing a coffee.”

“Do you really enjoy coffee? I’ve always thought that was just part of your last disguise.” Steve stood up to follow her, and subtly shifted his head to take a note of Natasha’s wet hair shining in the dim morning light.

“I don’t enjoy coffee, but I enjoy Tony’s face when he sees me drinking Starbucks coffee.”

“Is he really that proud of his high-end Stark coffee beans?”

“Ah. I wish he was the one to show you the 21st century. You’d have had such a refreshing and annoying experience.”

Steve laughed again. He seemed to be very easily amused around her when they weren’t in battles. That morning, they each held a cup of Starbucks coffee (Steve made sure the logo on his cup was facing forward when he walked into the Starks Tower), and walked side-by-side down New York’s rainy streets. Facing the omens of a soon-to-be sunny day in the distant cloud, they walked slowly toward the blurry but bright Empire State Building. Natasha would tell a joke occasionally, and then ask a couple of questions to give Steve a chance to talk about his old New York.

Steve almost left like a close friend of hers - it felt like they were completely open in front of each other.

 

——————

That was exactly why Steve got so furious the first time he was assigned to collaborate with her alone on a task.

That was a so-called _Rescue Mission_ , they had to sneak into a satellite operation center and rescue the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who were held hostage by some French pirates. Natasha was in her black suit, and as imperceptible as usual. They split up on the deck, and she flashed him a confident smile as she jumped down the bridge to go tackle the mechanical area. It reminded him of their first battle in New York. Steve felt warm that they could have the chance to fight side-by-side again, and felt proud that he would finally get to witness her operate as a spy instead of a fighter.

That was until Natasha disappeared from the comms right when he needed the most help to rescue the hostage.

He eventually found her in the control room (ha, of course it’s the control room, Steve rolled his eyes), and caught her hacking into some encrypted data files. Not surprising. To be honest, the warmth in his heart had already extinguished when he had to turn around and look for her. In the middle of a rescue mission.

\- Of course. Steve thought to himself with some irrational anger. Their seamless collaboration was just part of her job. Her friendliness and genuinity toward him were just her well-calculated distance.

But he noticed the grenade before he could say anything to confront her - even after just one battle, this had already become their habit. In the Avengers team, Clint and Natasha were the only two that had to face the attacks with mortal human bodies. So Tony would always keep an eye out for Clint in the sky, and Steve had the habit of taking Natasha into his Shield whenever an explosion happened.

That was the first time they got so close to each other, physically. He lifted his shield with one hand to take in the force of explosion, and pressed Natasha to his chest with another.  
In the sudden silence that followed the explosion, Steve heard some drum beat in his ears. But he was too overwhelmed by his anger and annoyance to take note of anything else.

He started even before she could catch her feet again, “So you’ve got your own secret mission, and they assigned me as your partner just because Captain America is a brainless, obedient, buff blond fool.”

“Don’t say that about yourself, Cap. You know you have more advantages than brainless and obedient.” Natasha gave him a sly smile, apparently not planning to take this conversation seriously. “And I don’t know why you had to add the buff and blond part.” She even gave a slow look at his body.

“You know what I mean. Did you do the same thing when you were partners with Agent Barton? How could he possibly allow you to always selfishly mess with the plans - you know what, I don’t want to know. I’m not Barton. I cannot lead a team like this.”

“Aw, you’re jealous.” Natasha teased. Steve had always known, this spy in front of him was a master at avoiding the point and diverging from the topic. “Don’t worry, I always treat my ex and current partners equally.”

But Captain America was not a spy. He didn’t need to hide his true feelings. So Steve looked directly into Natasha’s eyes, and exposed all his disappointment and pain. Natasha only met his vulnerable eyes for one second before she turned away to walk towards their Quinjet. Steve had an urge to walk past her with large stokes and ignore her, but he knew it would be a childish thing to do. So he slowed down behind her, and watched as she walked on the deck and climbed the ropes.

She makes no sound when she walks.  
Steve reminded himself with this fact, his so-called friend and partner was actually the best assassin and spy in the world, maybe she never even had a “real side”.

 

——————

But just days later, when she led him out of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s hunting and fled to the next battle in New Jersey together with him, he felt like he saw some real Natasha in her eyes again.

Disguised by her carelessness, her eyes would sometimes shine with belief and determination. Just like when they walked into the dangerous, unknown military base and her eyes met his - he saw in those eyes that she cared about Fury, cared about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s justice, and she was not afraid of walking into a trap with him to find out the truth.

No wonder why she didn’t like meeting his eyes unprepared. Steve suddenly thought, maybe those bright eyes weren’t as good at disguising themselves as the rest of her.

 

That was the third explosion they had been in together, and also the first time he actually had the mind to feel the tiny space under his shield.

He dragged her into his arms almost the second he sensed the attack. But the falling concrete and steel rods also almost trapped them the second the missiles hit the military base. Steve could not lift his head. He used one hand to evaluate the explosions through the vibration of his shield, and used another to hold her tighter. The tip of his nose was touching her hair, and the hand wrapping around her was touching her forearms. After a whole day of running and fighting, she smelled like smoke, gasoline and leather. And the tight widow bites were enlarging the pulse on her wrist, making her entire forearm jump with blood flow.

Fire starting burning all around them while Steve counted to himself the timing of each attack. In the cracking fire, he heard the drumbeats again, sending strength into his body with each beat. He suddenly felt immersive power and confidence - as long as he followed the rhythm, they would be safe.

“Natasha, can you still move?” He touch the tip of her hair with his nose, to lean into her ear, “four more attacks coming. After this round of attack, I’ll put up my shield, and we run together.”

His voice sounded so powerful, it was tough and clear even in the bursting sound of fire cracking and rocks tumbling.

“Copy that, Cap.” She didn’t turn her head, but she lifted her hand slightly to squeeze his arm holding the shield.

Steve listened to the rhythm of attack and counted the drumbeats. He suddenly noticed he was still holding Natasha’s forearm, and in him palm, he could feel that her pulse aligned perfectly with the drums in his ears.

It was her heartbeat that he heard. Her rhythm, her throbbing life. As strong and fearless as she was.

He couldn’t tell if it came from his hallucination or his actual super-soldier hearing. But he could feel that her heartbeats were sending the strength to every corner of his body.

After the last explosion in this round, they both stood up. He lifted up his shield to shelter them from the tumbling rocks, and she fired forward to clear a path for them.

They ran from the fire and the battlefield into the protection of the woods. They looked dreadful but felt incredibly light.

After that, they supported each other through another night, and finally reached a safe spot along the perimeter of Washington D.C. in the next morning.

Steve sat on the bed, so Natasha could have the bathroom to clean up her wounds and wash away the dust first.

She left a slit in the door to leave some room for him to come in and share the bathroom.

When she took off all her clothes facing away from him, Steve really wanted to shut the door tight for her sake. But he knew it would be a childish thing to do, especially right after surviving an overwhelming war as two fellows who trusted each other so deeply on the battlefield. So he simply looked away. Outside of the window, the sunlight was fresh and clear.

“Natasha?” He suddenly decided to ask the question that he had held to himself for a long time.

She put on a tank top and came out of the bathroom, urging him to go on with her eyes.

“When you fight, do you have something you believe in?” Steve looked at her with him genuine blue eyes.

This time, she did not avoid his eyes.

“I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. is a straight path for me, but I guess I just traded KGB with Hydra. I lie for a living, Steve, but I’ve always thought I knew whose lies I was telling.”

It was the first time Steve had seen such honest, raw sadness in her eyes.

“No matter if it’s Soviet Union or Nazi Germany. I’m still just a killer, after all this time.” She said.

“Natasha.” Steve suddenly felt that even at the rare times when she was being honest, her eyes still had the power to overwhelm people. “You’re the most fearless fighter I’ve met.”

“For some reason, the fact that this particular compliment came from Captain America made me even prouder. I wonder why.” She flashed a smile at him, and added just the right bit of kind teasing in her tone. He followed her eyes, and saw that the sadness she revealed to him a second ago was now completely gone. She was back as Black Widow again.

Steve had many more questions he wanted to ask, but in the end he said nothing.  
He suddenly thought to himself, maybe every single disguise she had actually all had a part of the real Natasha.

 

——————

That night, after a whole day of resting and planning, they were ready to take off for the next fight.

Steve stood in front of the windows, putting on his jacket while going through the details again in his head.

Natasha approached him from behind. She put a hand on his arm and touched him softly, “Don’t worry, Cap. We won’t stop until we find the last person of Hydra.”

Of course he didn’t need her encouragement or affirmation, but he knew she was just mimicking his tone with a hint of her own warm sarcasm.

Steve shifted his head to look at her bright eyes on his shoulder, and he smiled.

When Natasha Romanoff got close to him, there was never a sound, never a scent.  
That was why he could never find an answer about her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much. : ) Hope this story has the right pace and won't let you down when you see the story between them unfold.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the crowded old bar on the Mexican border, they hid in a corner away from all the wars and decisions in the world, and kissed each other for the first time. The thick air with stuffed with a slow Mexican love song and the smell of dried wood in the desert. 
> 
> This specific chapter is set during the 3rd Captain America movie, Civil War.

** Till The Next Fire (3/7) **

 

What made her say those words?

“I didn’t want you to be alone.”

When Steve witnessed his team fall apart but found nothing he could do to change this, he kept thinking of what she said to him at the beginning of all the conflicts.

He didn’t blame anyone. They were all heroes with great responsibilities, they each had things they must stand for. He had a unfulfilled commitment to his old friend and the obligation to find out the truth, while Tony - and all the other Avengers who signed the Sokovia Accords - had to stand for whatever it took to keep Avengers exist for the rest of the world. He understood all that. So when he decided to start his journey alone, he didn’t feel particularly lonely.

 

But that’s why when Natasha took the Avengers down with her widow bites and hopped onto the Quinjet with him and Bucky, Steve felt like his heart was filled with some swelling emotions.

 He watched her curse and jump into the driver’s seat as soon as they entered the Quinjet. Even in the middle of all these, she didn’t forget to turn around and remind Steve to check on Bucky’s mental status.

“Natasha, are you sure you’re coming with us?” After confirming that his friend has been restrained and stabilized by the seat belt, Steve looked back at the driver’s seat. In front of her, the horizon line was extending and expanding. The speed of take-off, which was almost reaching the limit, made the airflow across the porthole almost visible, making the sky seem only inches away from them.

Natasha groaned with impatience, “If you’re not planning to help, at least stop pointing out the obvious, Rogers. What, you think I can just jump out of this Quinjet right now and invite Tony to shoot me into fireworks?”

Steve wanted to laugh, but it was obviously inappropriate at this moment. He balanced himself in the ascending jet and moved to the other driver’s seat, buckling himself up to check the jet’s status and turn on the shields.

 

 

“Are you doing this just because you don’t want me to be alone?” When they finally fled from the Avengers and began to fly smoothly in the stratosphere, Steve continued his question. He turned a little to look at her face, her eyes illuminated in the sunlight.

“Of course not.” Natasha rolled her eyes, “I was just thinking that your insistence might be right. Sokovia Accords is not the point, and I need to find out the truth about the winter soldier program.”

Steve didn’t suppress his laughter this time. He felt that he’d finally learned to read her eyes instead of her words. He realized that her eyes could actually tell him everything her lips wouldn’t. After all, even the best spy in the world doesn’t always feel necessary to put on a full disguise in front of someone she deeply trusts. 

Natasha was staring intently at the sky ahead, but he saw that she also quietly raised a corner of her lips.

 

“ _Thelma & Louise_. Remember to add it to your little _welcome-to-twenty-first-century_ list as your next movie to watch.” She said without looking at him.

“Sounds like us.” For a moment, Steve actually tried to take out his notebook, but realized he of course wouldn’t have with in his battle suits.

“Actually, it’s about two women’s escape.” Natasha teased, “you can decide which one you wanna be. I’m fine with either.”   


“ _Gender is just a social construct._ Whatever makes you happy.” Steve shrugged, uttering the slogan he heard the most often in the 21st century. Natasha laughed, and he noticed that she laughed for real this time.

“They should record you saying that in your Captain America uniform, and add the video to elementary school textbooks.”

“Whatever makes you happy.” Steve repeated with a smile, and turned back to look forward.

 

After a while, he suddenly added, “I don’t know if I can wear this uniform again.”

 

Natasha did not reply.

They both knew it. He’d made his choice, and starting from today, his life as the bright and righteous Captain America would be gone.

 

He would have to hide in the shadow with her, and rely on Tony to erase their traces from any media report. He believed in Tony - even though they’d each chosen their own path, Toney would still at least protect their last layer of disguise.  


“So, Agent America, what’s your plan?” Natasha pulled the screen in front of him, signaling him to enter the coordinates. 

They would take the Winter Soldier into South America through the Mexican border, and then journey toward Africa. Respecting Bucky’s request, they would put him back into hibernation with Wakanda’s technology, and at the same time, Steve could get some time there to figure out his path from now on.

 

—————— 

Natasha landed the Quintet in Heroica Nogales at dusk. She led the three of them through an old bar into a motel where all the shady refugee business happened, and asked for a narrow and covert room at the end of the hallway. The motel owner couldn’t help but stare at the three strangers who clearly did not belong to the Mexican border. Steve instinctively wanted to turn away and hide his face, but he suddenly remembered that not everyone living in chaos and darkness had the mood and time to learn about superheroes and Captain America.

 

Natasha raised an eyebrow to observe Steve’s expressions, and let out a soft laugh, “I’m gonna bet ten dollars this is your first time traveling outside of the U.S. - without having to focus on sinking your jet into the Arctic, of course.”

“That’s hardly a bet. You already know all my files and travel history.” Steve tried to ignore all the staring as he maneuvered through the tight hallway to reach their room.

“Then I’ll bet ten dollars, the bar we just passed by must have some treats that can get you drunk.”

“That’s still hardly a bet. Call it my superpower or a side effect from the serum, I just can’t get drunk.”

“Ten dollars.”

“Why do you have to bet something with me?”

 

“Let’s just call it… creating shared memories. How about that?” Natasha smiled, pointing her chin toward the direction of the bar.

“Trust me, we’d be creating shared memories everyday when we officially start our escape tomorrow.” Steve rolled his eyes.

 

Natasha held the same look and smile, “ten dollars, see it as your last memory in the Americas. You won’t have the chance again once we reach the other side of the earth.”

Steve sighed. He really had never left this piece of land. And it would all change tomorrow.

 

——————

When the twilight has completely sunken into the dessert and the tired Winter Solder fell asleep on the only bed in their room, Natasha and Steve changed into the local t-shirts and shorts, and walked into the shabby bar next to the motel.

Natasha got a glass of Absinthe for him, while Steve got a White Russian for her.

“This drink is for little girls, Steve.” Natasha stared into the creamy color in her glass with disgust. 

“Sorry. I know nothing about cocktails.” He put on an annoyingly innocent smile. To be honest, he was just being reasonably conservative with their little adventure - if he actually gets drunk, however unlikely it is (but he’s never sure about anything when he’s with her), he needs one of them to stay sharp and alert, so they can catch the first flight to East Africa. He trusts Natasha completely, as long as she’s not drunk.

 

Steve was glad that he had thought an extra step further when he was still sober. After the third glass of Absinthe,Steve found himself a little dizzy. He suddenly couldn’t resist the urge to talk to her - even with the deafening Spanish music as their background, he wanted to tell her about all his insecurities and concerns. 

He wanted to be close with her.

 

In the hot air, Natasha’s expression also seemed to melt. Her smile and her red hair were burning gently in the warm lamp lights, sending a temperature that made his heart beat faster. She looked so genuine when she looked into his eyes.

In front of those eyes that he could finally see through, how could he hide his heart that could barely hold any secret anyways?

 

After the last song ended and when the next song’s prelude was just in the air, Steve lowered his head to her shoulder.

Natasha was not surprised. She gently stroke through his hair once, and then dropped her hang again to patiently wait for him to start what he had to say. 

“For someone who never lies, if he were to only live in disguise for the rest of his life, would he be able to find a way to live?”

“For someone who makes a living by lying, if she were asked to reveal her true self, would she remember how to live?”

Steve asked two questions in a row. His voice so soft that it was almost overwhelmed by the prelude of the music.

 

Natasha has expected the first question when he had decided to leave the Avengers and walk his own path. But for the second question, she couldn’t fully understand the source of his insecurities. With two questions and a Steve on her shoulder, Natasha suddenly did not know which question to answer. 

 

Ever since she had memories, she had almost never showed her true self to others, either for self-protection or for manipulation. She could make herself completely believe in a forged identity when she went on long-term undercover missions, and use all kinds of details to put on a perfect performance. She could also seamlessly switch between many background stories when she had multiple cover identities, and each identity she constructed would be as convincing as a real person.

\- For someone who makes a living by lying, how does she remember her own life?

 

One thing Natasha had always known is that the heart beating in her chest is wildly alive. No matter for whom and what she lies for, she had always buried her life, her hope and her own belief in the source of her blood. Every time she returned to the safe house after a mission, she would feel her own pulse and the warmth running through her veins. She was different from them. She would always make sure to remember that.

\- So she could always find herself through layers of interweaving fake identities. 

 

Natasha put down her glass, and raised her arm to touch his chest.

“You asked two questions. Both answers are here.”

The Mexican music was tender in the air. Under her palm, his heartbeat was steady and slow. There flowed the brightest blood she’d ever seen, always determined to shine some light and warmth to everyone’s eyes.

 

Steve looked down into her eyes.

Those eyes had the same color as the Absinthe in his glass. A deep, intricate green, which would turn misty like a dream when it was mixed with clear water. Steve found himself unable to shift his gaze.

 

God knew how much he wanted to kiss those eyes.

 

“Rogers.” He’d never mentioned, he actually really loved the way she called his last name. The first syllable carried Natasha’s unique roll of tongue, and the last syllable was as soft as a satisfied sigh. “Why do I think your eyes are telling me that you want to kiss me?”

Again, he could barely hold any secret in front of her.

 

——————

“I give in, Natasha. I think I’m drunk.” Steve looked down with a silent smile. He wasn’t going to pretend otherwise, but he just needed some time - taking out ten dollars - to gather some courage about this.

Natasha put his ten dollars into her pocket, took his glass and finished the Absinthe for him.

Then she didn’t say anything, didn’t do anything. She just patiently waited for him to look up again.

 

Steve desperately wanted to find some signal in her eyes - something that could tell him what to do next - but her deep green eyes seemed to be determined to not reveal anything. 

His heart was pounding like a drum, even his blood flow accelerated a little. His amplified hearing was supposed to capture every single subtle sound around him, but now it seemed to only reflect his own desire. He could not hear anything other than his own heartbeat and blood flow. 

He felt like he had waited for another seventy years. They just gazed into each other’s eyes, but he found no signal. Natasha must have decided to tease him again, Steve thought. She seemed to be betting with herself to see how long it would take him to make a move if she remained absolutely still.

They were a pair of fugitives now, Steve suddenly thought to himself. Under the vast sky and at the end of the world, they now had nothing but each other. She had said to him, didn’t she? That she didn’t want him to be alone. And he was sure that her eyes were honest when she said those words. So he believed it. He believed that they would not leave each other alone no matter what. In a deep relationship like this, even if he decided to be a little adventurous this time - he knew she would understand and forgive him.

 

So he leaned in further, until he could smell the mixture of Absinthe and White Russian cream.

Natasha seemed to have widened her smile just a little. He knew he had made the right move.

He stopped at the last inch left between them to give her one last second to pull back, but she didn’t move.

So Steve pressed onto her lips with his.

 

 

In the crowded old bar on the Mexican border, they hid in a corner away from all the wars and decisions in the world, and kissed each other for the first time. The thick air with stuffed with a slow Mexican love song and the smell of dried wood in the desert.  Steve felt like he had gained all his amplified senses back again . The creaking wood planks in the bar, the old pendant light that suddenly went off, the sharp, hot air outside, a night breeze blowing from the west, and Natasha’s soft, wet lips.

He slipped his hands down to her waist, and she finally responded.

She tilted her head to meet his lips better, and dropped the glass in her hand to put her arms around his neck.

 

That night, they sat in the bar and shared a slow, tender kiss for a very long time. In the end, they leaned into each other’s forehead.

Steve felt like he was back to seventy years ago, free from all the burdens and responsibilities, only surrounded by everything he was familiar with. He felt like he was just spending some stolen time with a special girl, on the last peaceful night before they had to return to the battlefield.

 

“Be well in Wakanda. I’m sure you will find your path.” Natasha suddenly said softly.

Steve jerked his head up. “Natasha - ”

 

“I have to go alone on this mission,” she said so as she left him, “it’s a secret.”

Steve watched as she walked out of the bar. He didn’t know what to say - he couldn’t blame her, couldn’t keep her, and couldn’t just say goodbye to her either. So he remained on the same stool, until she finally disappeared from everything he could sense, until the west wind finally brought the real night into this desert.

 

In three and a half hours, he would leave to Africa.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She came to him when the fire was burning the fiercest. She descended with a black rope in this ferocious and splendid light, tearing the fire apart with a black shadow.
> 
> He heard her calling his last name, her voice hoarse but unwavering, as if she was determined to get him out of this fire, as if the super soldier who was going to save all beings was herself.
> 
>  
> 
> (*Events described in this chapter are all part of the fiction, and have nothing to do with reality.)

** Till The Next Fire (4/7) **

 

Natasha arrived in Croatia on a sunny day.

As an international assassin, Natasha had almost traveled around the entire world since she became a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.  
Hawkeye has once taught her to always set up a network of resource and informants wherever she went on a mission, so she could gradually knit a enormous web around the world. And eventually, she could just sit in the center of her web as a predator, and always stay alarmed with the vibration of her spider web.

“Tasha, for invisible people like us, we never know when we’d be put in a desperate situation.” Clint once told her when they were waiting on a rooftop. On that mission, they had to wait in the cold wind for seventeen hours until their informant finally sent the signal to proceed. As Natasha warmed up her body to prepare for the fight, Clint polished his arrowheads, “and when you’re actually in the desperate situation, no one will come to save you, and you’ll be completely on your own. So you have to always pave the way for yourself wherever go you, and that’s the only way you can live as an invisible predator.”

 

The second Steve crossed the American border to flee the Winter Soldier, they have become internationally wanted fugitives - lone preys in a desperate situation. Natasha must spread the spider web that she has woven throughout all these years, and use all resources she had to turn over to become a predator again.

And that was why she must leave Steve.

The world would watch every single move made by Captain America. Especially after he decided to hand the Winter Soldier over to Wakanda, everything he did would not only attract attention to himself, but also risk exposing Wakanda. For a long time, Steve would have to remain anonymous and lay low.

And everything Captain America cannot do, needs to be done by the invisible Black Widow. She needed to expose the secrets of the World Security Council and Hydra, and clear up the charges against Captain America. This would be the only way to break the Sokovia Accords, bring herself back to the S.H.I.E.L.D, and bring the Avengers back together.

So Natasha Romanoff stopped existing on the day Steve left Mexico. She dyed her hair pale blond and reactivated the alias and identities she once used a long time ago in Budapest. She planned to enter Croatia, and sneak into Serbia through the Sava and the Danube River. Serbia was where the trace of Hydra’s most recent activities was spotted.

 

Croatia was always bathed in sunlight. Natasha walked along the marketplace in a red dress, and bought a pack of cherries from a local farmer with some exotic accent and a flirty smile. This was a habit and a secret she’s always had when she went on undercover missions - when she entered a new country for a mission, she would always pick an ordinary object as her prop to help me get into the character. In the sunlight of Croatia, this pack of cherry would be her perfect prop.

Natasha sat on the stone ledge at the perimeter of the marketplace, holding the cherries with the hem of her dress and putting them into her mouth one by one, while subtly searching for her informant in the crowd.

Sunlight painted her blond hair even paler, she chewed on the cherries slowly, and occasionally smiled friendly at the men passing by who turned their heads to look at her.

The cherry juice dyed her lips to the color of her dress, and she finally caught the signal of the informant, suggesting that she could now safely board the boat to set off for Serbia.

Natasha stood up as soon as she confirmed the signal, shaking off the rest of the cherries to the ground and striding forward to disappear in the crowd.

 

——————

Steve kept finding himself fantasizing about her.

Even in Wakanda’s super gym (that was his first time seeing a sandbag hooked to the ceiling with a vibranium chain, a treadmill that could simulate the world's five highest peak, or an automatic virtual boxer), he found it difficult to distract himself from his fantasies about her.

He remembered that she once said she used to train every night in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s gym on the sub-sixth floor, so he imagined himself training beside her - she grabbed her pair of pistols and took an aim at the target. She was wearing a black tank-top, with its hem tugged in her tight black pants. Her combat boots made her much taller, the tip of her head almost touching his shoulder. Her eyes were bright and her eyelashes were motionless. When she was extremely focused, even her wavy red hair would freeze in the solidified air. He suddenly realized that Natasha never blinked even when she fired.

 

“Captain, if you keep punching like that, even the vibranium hook won’t be able to hold the sandbag.” Steve snapped out of his fantasy, and saw T’Challa staring at him with a knowing smile.

Steve turned to look at the clock on the screen. He’s been fighting with this sandbag for half an hour now. His knuckles and wrists were slightly numb from vibration, but other than that, he almost couldn’t feel a thing.

“Seriously, you always look so preoccupied.” T’Challa walked toward him, Steve noticed he had some documents in his hand.

“Your highness. I’m not sure how internationally wanted fugitives who’ve been hiding for months usually feel, but as far as I am concerned, I find it difficult to stop worrying.” Steve responded with just the right bit of friendly tease. But he was a little surprised to realize that his sounded like Natasha.

“I also don’t know how internationally wanted fugitives usually feel.” T’Challa mocked as he handed Steve the documents, “but I’ve got something that might be able to distract you from your worries. You’ll find them interesting.”

The document was about the Sudan People’s Liberation Army.

“Since when did Wakanda start participating in East Africa’s civil wars?” Steve asked as he flipped through the file.

“We don’t. But it’s a different story when the civil wars involve Super Soldier Serum.”

“Someone’s experimenting with Super Soldier Serum again?” Steve frowned.

“No one around us knows more about it than you do. We can fight side by side in this matter. If you’d like to join, we will leave tonight.”

 

Seventy years later, Steve Rogers finally returned to the battlefield that belonged to Earth. The wars between human beings were always full of fear and cruelty, but also so full of hope.

He was happy to go back to wars and fight alongside with the Black Panther for the suffering civilians. In this mission, they would find out the source and whereabouts of the Super Soldier Serum, and make sure no more innocent people could be hurt by it.

 

Spending months hiding in the dark for the mission, Steve also learned to disguise. He grew a thick beard, dyed his hair, put on a dark suit, and carried a black shield that no longer reflected light. Sometimes when he saw his new look in the mirror, he would suddenly be reminded of the fact that he was only able to stand in the sunlight to be a magnanimous warrior because she did all the lurking in the shadows for him.

But even if the world would never get to see the glorious side of her, he would always know the way she shone then she fought.  
He constantly thought of the times when they fought side by side.

The way she smoothly switched between a myriad of weapons. The way she made all the correct and timely judgements when they were surrounded by enemies. The way she threw her legs around the enemies’ necks and threw them to the ground.  
\- The way she guided his attacks with the rhythm of her heartbeat.

 

Steve felt his craving and desire for her growing exponentially.  
But he still had no clue about where she was or what she was doing.

After the initial shock and disappointment, he was no longer angry with her sudden departure. After all, in their tender and affectionate first kiss in the tavern on the Mexican border, he was sure he saw some sincerity in her eyes. That night Natasha had revealed all her soft and fragile emotions to him, and from that moment on, he would never be able to resent her other secrets.

After all, Natasha would never belong to anyone. He had never for once thought of keeping her, even after she showed him her naked heart.

He was just annoyed at himself that he could never read her - if Clint were there when she left, he would at least be able to find a little more clue from Natasha’s expression. At least he could tell how much of her confidence was real. But Steve didn’t have the same ability.  
After she left, Steve couldn’t stop wondering. If Natasha was leaving him to face some unknown danger by herself, then how could he endure this - safely and comfortably hiding on the land of East Africa while she risked her life out there alone?

He didn’t need her to come back to him. He didn’t need her to tell him the truth. He didn’t need her to respond to their feelings for each other.

No matter how many layers of lies Natasha wrapped herself in , he was willing to take her into his arms.

\- As long as she was living safely and confidently.

That was all he wanted and needed to know.

 

——————

On the night before Steve and T’Challa broke into the laboratory for the final move to destroy the Super Soldier Serum’s lab and rescue the victims, Steve had a dream in their safe house.

He and Natasha was each fighting on the two ends of the earth. On his end, countless enemies came up to him, almost swallowing him into the sea of darkness. On the other end of the earth, Natasha stood tall in the middle of the battlefield facing countless enemies, and she did not blink even when she fired.

They stood against each other on two ends of the horizon, and opened their arms to meet the enemies flooding from both ends of the sky. Until they were both swallowed up by fire.

In the end, he was the only one who survived.

 

Steve woke up in the early morning, and found himself covered in a layer of cold sweat.  
T’Challa patted on his shoulder and handed him his battle suits.

In the silence before sunrise, they would sneak into the lab and concentration camps where all the Super Soldier Serum experiments happened, set up an explosion and once for all terminate the chaos and sufferings that the serum might bring.

“You must stay alert, Captain. The same lab that makes the Super Soldier Serum is also filled with Serum Thinner that control and kill the serum.” Before setting off, T’Challa reminded Steve once again, “You have to prioritize your own safety. The world is not ready to lose Captain America yet.”

T’Challa had already proposed to take Steve off the mission when they found out about the Serum Thinner. And when Steve insisted on staying on the front line with T’Challa, they made sure he had double insurance - T’Challa told Shuri to create a special uniform that could not be penetrated by pinholes. Steve would put on this uniform before entering the lab.

When he learned about the existence of Serum Thinner, Steve did briefly consider staying away from the front line. But he simply could not hide in a safe place anymore - for the Black Panther who had been helping and protecting him for months, for the Avengers who had to face the Sokovia dilemma because of him, for the innocent civilians he was responsible for, or for Natasha, who left him to face dangers on her own. He had to go to the front line with T’Challa.

 

But none of them had expected - the Serum Thinner was already injected into Steve’s body in a melee weeks ago.

The cold sweat had not stopped ever since he woke up that day, and from the moment they got into the concentration camp, Steve had to sum up all his willpower to stop his significantly weakened body from collapsing.

Even though he managed to hold on till the last part of the mission, evacuate all the victims in the concentration camp and cover the Black Panther to detonate the lab, Steve knew he could not hold any longer. He did not have the strength to get out of the fire. After the first bomb successfully went off, he watched as the Black Panther disappeared into the night. According to the plan, he should also withdraw immediately.

His back was against the fire, and in front of him, the enemies were already rushing in his direction.

Any other time, he would fight till the last moment.  
But under the effect of the Serum Thinner, he already used up all his remaining strength just to stand up.

\- At least I died in a meaningful battle.

Steve thought as he closed his eyes.

 

She came to him when the fire was burning the fiercest. She descended with a black rope in this ferocious and splendid light, tearing the fire apart with a black shadow.

“Rogers!”

He heard her calling his last name, her voice hoarse but unwavering, as if she was determined to get him out of this fire, as if the super soldier who was going to save all beings was herself.

Her short blond hair danced with her movements as she took down each enemy, shining brighter than the flame. She stepped on the ash and dust and rushed to him, stopping right in front to him to turn around and shield him from the burning fire and the enemies that came up to them.

Soon, the Black Panther also returned to the battlefield with backup, forming a larger defense line in front of them.

In this raging fire, Natasha finally found a moment to turn back and look into his eyes.

Steve still couldn’t tell if it came from his hallucination or his super-soldier enhanced hearing. But he heard her heartbeat in the fire, steady and powerful, like the drums of Wakanda, sending waves of strength through his body with each drum beat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha would only speak truth with him, just for today.
> 
> She said that when she was brainwashed for the first time, she had thought she was an orphan left behind by a Soviet spy couple.  
> The second time, she thought she was a ballerina.  
> The third time, she thought she was a mistress of a KGB officer.  
> The fourth time, she thought she was a con artist who sold forged paintings.  
> The fifth time, she thought she was a circus freak who couldn’t fall in love with others.  
> The sixth time, she thought she as a cold-blooded assassin.

**Till The Next Fire (5/7)**

The sky was burning red when Steve woke up from his coma.

He couldn’t tell if it was sunrise or sunset, since the color of Wakanda’s sky was always so bright. A faint golden glow shone through the heavy cloud and lit up his room through the transparent wall, casting a gentle warmth on his eye lids.

 

Steve thought he might have slept for a long time, since everything that happened before he passed out felt all hazy now.

His arm was connected to some machine, which seemed to be injecting something into his body, pumping his pulse to beat in a slow and steady pace. The empty room in front of him was half dark, half golden, cutting a clear line between shadow and light. On the foot of his bed was a bouquet, full of strange and beautiful Wakanda flowers that he could not name.

 

He was almost going to believe the hazy memory of her coming to rescue him in the fire was all an illusion or a dream - until he turned his head and saw her standing on the other side of the glass. She was on the balcony outside, with her back against him and her face showered in sunlight.

 

Steve felt some unspeakable emotions filling his heart.

Born on the battlefield and frozen for seventy years, Captain America suddenly felt that the world was a tender place.

 

He tried to sit up and pull out all the tubes connected to his arm, but accidentally knocked off all the machines attached to his back that he didn’t notice was there.

Steve felt like a teenager falling in love for the first time, flustered and helpless. He was busy disconnecting himself from all the machines when her turn toward him with a grin.

Natasha pressed a button on the other side of the glass wall, and the wall slowly disappeared. Steve heard the sound of the wind outside for a brief moment, before she stepped through the opening and let the wall close up again behind her. She walked towards him and her frame was lit by the red sky - that Steve couldn’t tell was sunrise or sunset.

 

“Good evening, old man. Thought you were gonna sleep for another seventy years.”

Ah. So it’s dusk, and it’s the sunset outside. 

Steve smiled, “I miss hearing you make fun of my age.”

He pulled off the last patch on his arm, stood up and walked towards her. Natasha didn’t say anything. She stood there and watched him in the beautiful silence.

 

Steve had many questions, but he didn’t know where to start.

 

“How did you end up in Wakanda?” When he finally opened his mouth, he suddenly felt stupid about the question he picked, “You know what. You don’t have to answer. You always have your secrete missions anyways - just like the last time you left.”

 

 

But today, after being apart for so long, Natasha didn’t seem like she would put on a disguise in front of him.

“In the past five months and twenty-one days, I was undercover in the Mediterranean region.” Natasha lifted her chin to look into his eyes and the sunset in there, the top of her head barely touching his shoulders, “chasing after Hydra’s activities.”

 

Steve slowly closed his eyes.

He couldn’t resist the urge to picture her in the Mediterranean.

 

“I heard about you when I just got a grasp of Hydra’s dirty secret in Central Europe.” Natasha’s eyes were so bright in his eyes, “I don’t know what you were thinking, Steve. You basically dived into a pool of Super Soldier Serum Thinner.”

“Maybe I just couldn't be the one hiding behind when everyone else is fighting out there.” Steve let out a soft sigh. “This is really unfair.”

 

This is really unfair, Steve thought. He could never read her. Their relationship was always like this - she always knew everything about him. He never knew anything about her. 

There were so many times when he felt like he finally saw through her, but she always brought him new puzzles whenever he felt like he could read her. After all, she already knew everything about his past when they first met. But to him, he could only rely on his fantasies to fill the void of her vast past that lay behind her.

Natasha’s soft laughs made Steve realize that he had just spoke his thoughts out loud.

 

“It IS unfair.” Natasha sat down with her back against the glass wall, and hugged her knees. Now her head was barely at his waistline. “How about this? Just for today, I would only tell you the truth.”

Steve didn’t know how to interpret this. He looked into her eyes, searching for her emotions. 

Natasha signaled him at the floor next to her, and said, “I’ve barely seen you sitting down.”

Steve bent down and sat cross-legged next to Natasha in a very uncoordinated posture, frowning, “I always feel that I look like a dumb Hulk when I sit on the ground.”

Natasha laughed again. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he could feel her tight muscles relax against him. But his own body tightened when her hair brushed on his neck.

 

"Steve, you’ve slept for seven days," Natasha said quietly. “After realizing that you got injected with Serum Thinner, T’Challa broke into the burning lab and salvaged a little residual serum, but neither of us was sure that you could pull it off."

 

 

Natasha heard the news in an intelligence black market in a small town of Bosnia.

\- Steve Rogers, who’s been quiet for quite a long time, has finally made a noise. He’s working to destroy a Super Soldier lab in Sudan now, but what he believed to be a secret mission has long been detected by the Sudanese military. So they injected some Serum Thinner into his body during a melee, intending to permanently remove Captain America from the world.

Oh, trust him to lay low for a little bit. Natasha rolled her eyes. She got rid of the two men exchanging information about Captain America, and set off to East Africa on the same night.

 

Natasha was so glad that she made it on time. Because no matter how big a pro she was at deceiving and disguising, she could not lie to herself - she cared about him, a lot. She cared about everyone who’s fought by her side.

 

 

“I owe you one.” Steve said.

“Steve, I used to have nothing.” He’d never heard her talk in such a fragile, honest tone, “and then I got you guys. If any of you is ever in a life-death situation, I would not hesitate a second to go into the battlefield for you. Not to mention it was you.”

 

“Why did you say that - you used to have nothing?” Steve turned to look at her, gently nudging her cheek with his shoulder, signaling her to look at him in the eyes.

His eyes were so blue and so clear, shining with honesty and trust. He looked at her with a comforting gaze, patiently waiting for her to tell him about herself.

 

“For a long time, I thought I was a ballerina.”

Steve glanced at Natasha’s red hair tugged behind her ear, closing his eyes ever so slightly. 

 

Behind his eye lids, he saw a lovely ear. A streak of short red hair curling up above the ear, jumping up and down along with its owner’s movement. She was probably still a teenager, practicing in a rehearsal room filled with sunlight. She was stretching, a layer of golden fluff glowing softly on her arms. There was some muffled music in the background, she seemed to be ready to start dancing, but she only managed to raise her arms before freezing in air. After all this little ballerina that existed in Steve’s fantasy could only do as much as Steve’s imagination allowed her to do. 

Steve opened his eyes. He was expecting himself to maintain the usual expression of Captain America - frowning slightly with sincere eyes. But when he looked down, he found Natasha looking at him with her arms crossed, a teasing smile on the corner of her lips. Steve was a little embarrassed.

 

The sky was burning so red that the land of Wankanda looked like it was on fire. He felt her heartbeats again in his ears, and his own pulses accelerated.

But Natasha didn’t take the chance to make fun of him. She just lifted an eyebrow knowingly, and leaned back on his shoulder to continue her story.

 

She talked about the training in the Red Room, the ten years of assassination missions with the KGB, the six times she was brainwashed when they found out about her rebellious ideas, the long mission in Budapest during which Clint brought her into S.H.I.E.L.D., the reason Director Fury accepted her as an official agent, the process of becoming the most savage existence of S.H.I.E.L.D., the time she joined the Avengers in New York, and then she became partners with Captain America.

 

She said that when she was brainwashed for the first time, she had thought she was an orphan left behind by a Soviet spy couple.

The second time, she thought she was a ballerina.

The third time, she thought she was a mistress of a KGB officer.

The fourth time, she thought she was a con artist who sold forged paintings.

The fifth time, she thought she was a circus freak who couldn’t fall in love with others.

The sixth time, she thought she as a cold-blooded assassin.

 

She had been tortured by so many repeated brainwashing for so long, and in the end, she no longer remembered anything about herself.

Later in her years in S.H.I.E.L.D., under the protection and guidance of Clint and Fury, she finally started picking up the fragments of her memory. 

Orphan, actor, lover, liar, freak, killer. In the beginning, she couldn’t tell which of those she truly was.

 

And then she thought, maybe she was all of those.

 

 

Darkness slowly descended on the vast grassland of Wakanda. Behind them was a gentle and splendid starry night.

Natasha’s voice was soft and quiet, but Steve felt like he heard the greatest power behind it.

 

“Do you think it’s fair now?” She raised from his shoulder, and flashed a grin. But then she met his eyes - he was watching her intently, with such great sorrow and compassion in his eyes.

 

“Why’re you suddenly so sentimental, Mister America who grew up as an orphan in war and ended up frozen for seventy years after sacrificing for his country on his first date night?” Natasha nudged him gently with her elbow.

“You’re right,” Steve’s face was suddenly softened by a smile, “for people like us, there’s really no need to feel sorry for each other.”

 

They leaned against the starry sky, sitting silently on the cold floor, with their shoulders touching each other. For a long time, none of them spoke again.

 

In the silent darkness, the flower bouquet on the foot of the bed slowly started to glow a soft blueish purple light. This was what Wakanda’s flowers looked like at night. Steve put his arm around Natasha’s shoulder and whispered, “these flowers are beautiful.”

“I didn’t pick them.”

“I supposed so. You don’t strike me as a person who would like flowers.”

“Maybe. I can’t say if I like them or not.”

 

Steve could sense that Natasha was about to talk about something else, but he didn’t say anything. he also knew that the best way to let her talk was to remain silent.

 

“On the day the Red Room announced my graduation, I was pushed into the infirmary. I’d had numerous injuries during my years of training in the Red Room, and I’d woken up in the infirmary for countless times. But that time when I woke up, there was a bunch of flowers next to my bed.”

“That was the first time I’d seen such a thing. I was so shocked by how so many colorful living things could be put together in such a hopeful way. I almost loved flowers then - the way they were cut and arranged to have such a beautiful look.”

“Until the effect of anesthetic passed. I realized the hurting part of my body was my abdomen. Only then… I realized what my ‘graduation’ truly meant.”

 

“After the graduation, I’d never be a complete person again. I’d become a perfect spy and perfect assassin produced and labeled by the Red Room. A perfect monster.”

A flower who’d been cut off from its stem, and decorated to be exquisite on the outside.

 

 

Steve was stung by her word choices. He gently turned her head toward himself with two fingers, and lowered his head to look into her eyes, “Natasha, you’re the most fearless person I’ve ever seen. You have your faith and your mission. No matter what your body’s like, you’re always a complete person.”

Natasha raised her eyes, something unspeakable flashed in her green pupils. 

Her expression was too fragile and too powerful.

 

Steve felt his heart tremble. He held her face with both hands, and started leaning toward her. 

“No, Rogers. I’m not a complete person.” Natasha whispered the second before his lips touched hers, “from the day the Red Room removed my organ, I’ve lost my ability to fall in love with anyone.”

 

She saw the sudden realization and pain flashing through his eyes. But he still closed the distance between them. He kissed her.

“Even so.” He bowed his head, “you’re still a complete Natalia Alianovna Romanova.”

She’d only said it once. And he’d remembered.

 

Natasha stood up abruptly and turned around to look out the window, “it’s a bit late now. I should call them in to get your body checked before everyone goes to bed. We need to make sure your body is fully functioning with the new serum.”

“Truth time is over, then?” Steve teased, but what was on his face was obviously not a real smile.

\- “Just for today, I would only tell you the truth.” 

 

Natasha pressed a button on the wall, and showed him the clock that appeared on the glass. “It’s past midnight. ‘Today’ is over.”

 

 

Natasha would stay in Wakanda with him to reactivate the Winter Soldier. During the time they hid on two ends of the world, Earth had undergone new changes. A presence much mightier than Loki had been lurking around Earth, and the tyrannical Thanos would soon arrive. The era of the Avengers would return.

Tomorrow, they would go to the battlefield once again, side by side.

 

“Thank you for showing me your real side, Agent Romanoff.” Steve sat back on his bed, and watched as Natasha called for Shuri.

 

 

“Do you want to hear another truth?” Natasha turned back and asked.

Steve looked at her in silence under the starry night. 

“When I said I couldn’t fall in love with anyone, I'd lied.”

 

Natasha leaned over and dropped a kiss on Steve’s lips. 

She left him the second before Shuri knocked on his door.

“Good night, Rogers.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had never thought he would say those words in such a situation.
> 
> Last night, under the night sky of Wakanda, she told him in the most Natasha way possible that she loved him. But the way she said it was so smart, and the timing was so right - she deliberately left him no chance to respond to her feelings. Steve was not even sure if she was ever expecting him to. Or… Maybe she didn’t even intend to let anything happen from last night’s intimate exchange.
> 
> But he barely had time to sit down and talk to her seriously, before they were rushing to the next battle.
> 
> It seemed like it was always like this between them. Living as heroes and protecting the earth, always having to rush to the next fight.
> 
> (The final darkness before their dawn)

** Till the Next Fire (6/7) **

 

Steve had never thought he would say those words in such a situation.

Last night, under the night sky of Wakanda, she told him in the most Natasha way possible that she loved him. But the way she said it was so smart, and the timing was so right - she deliberately left him no chance to respond to her feelings. Steve was not even sure if she was ever expecting him to. Or… Maybe she didn’t even intend to let anything happen from last night’s intimate exchange.

But he barely had time to sit down and talk to her seriously, before they were rushing to the next battle.

It seemed like it was always like this between them. Living as heroes and protecting the earth, always having to rush to the next fight.

 

——————

 

Edinburgh’s night air was always chilly, even with the warm street lights.

When Steve and Natasha found Wanda and Vision, this desperate couple had just got cornered by Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive, two servants sent by Thanos to take Vision’s stone.

That was Steve’s first time seeing Natasha getting shot in front of him.

He saw her two pistols taken away by Proxima Midnight, and he was just trying to end his own battle when he realized that Proxima Midnight had aimed those pistols at him. Before he could analyze the situation and find a way out, he saw Natasha roll on the ground and found her standing up beside him to face the enemy’s new round of attacks side by side.

 

“Watch your six o’clock, Cap!” When Natasha took his shot for him, Steve was using a spear to corner Corvus Glaive. 

She didn’t even show any pain when she took the bullet, because she knew that right now was the best chance to fight both enemies off - Corvus Glaive was finally held hostage, and the injured Proxima Midnight now must make compromise to get both of them out of this desperate situation. Natasha knew clearly, as long as she did not show any surprise or pain of getting shot, they would be able to hold their dominant position and completely drive these two Thanos servants away.

 

So until the enemies teleported themselves away from Earth and Wanda gasped as she saw Natasha’s blood spreading on her waist, Steve had no idea about Natasha’s injury.

“Fuck.” Natasha cursed as she covered her wound with both of her hands. For a brief second, Steve froze and could only watch her fall to the ground in front of him. She gave him a tired look, and then he was suddenly hit by a fear that had been lurking deep inside him since he watched her leave the Mexican border.

\- They are born and raised on battlefields. No matter how invincible they are, They could always die. One day, Natasha may never return from the battles.

This thought suddenly flashed across Steve’s mind when he rushed to the nearest inn with Natasha in his arms, and he was engulfed by the fear that followed.

 

——————

 

When Wanda and Vision finally returned with all the medical tools they could gathered around Edinburgh at this time of the night, Natasha felt like she had already exhausted all the jokes in her inventory. And that serious-faced Steve still would not say a word.

He remained silent as he removed the bedsheet that she’d been pressing on her wound to stop the bleeding. He turned around in silence to pick the right tools from the medical tools Wanda had spread out on the window sill.

“Come on, Steve. It’s not like you haven’t seen my other scars.” Natasha let out a labored breath between her teeth, ‘it’s all gonna heal. You don’t have to be so serious.“

Steve lowered his head to sanitize the scissors in his hand. Seeing that he still had no intention to open his mouth, Natasha rolled her eyes and decided to just wait for his outburst, “I see now. Captain America fell in love with his savior and lost his ability to talk.”

Steve lifted his eyes to look at her for a brief second, and then he looked down again just before swiftly cutting her flesh open.

 

“Fuck!” Natasha trembled at the sudden pain - and Steve looked up at her again - “Don’t fucking expect me to mind my language.”

“I didn’t.” Steve looked into her eyes and answered.

\- Captain America didn’t fall in love with his savior.

 

Oh great. Natasha closed her eyes to shut out the pain from her body and her heart.

 

“I didn’t expect you to mind your language.”

Steve bowed his head again, paused to accommodate Natasha’s violent breathing from the pain, and then started moving the tweezers to accurately remove the bullet debris in her wound.

He carefully stitched her up in a cold silence, and slowly cleaned up all the blood-stained cotton balls and tools and placed them in a tray next to the bed.

Natasha swallowed another painkiller, and slowly reclaimed her steady breath.

 

“Natasha.” When she finally calmed down from the extreme pain, Steve called her name softly.

She lifted her eyes and met the intent tenderness in his eyes.

 

“Natasha, I love you.”

 

Edinburgh’s night was still so quiet. In the dim lights on the old streets, two white pigeons flapped their wings and flew into the warm yellow gleam.

Natasha felt like something had clogged her heart and made her tumble into the sorrow in his eyes.

“I don’t need you to die for me.” He finally continued.

Natasha suddenly understood all the meaning behind his silence. She touched his suddenly soft and fragile face and said, “Steve, I just told you. I used to have nothing, and then I got this. If any of you is ever in a life-death situation, I would not hesitate a second to die in your place.”

“If that really happens, Nat, how do you expect me to feel at your funeral?”

 

A pigeon landed outside their window and knocked down a tiny piece of rock from the old window sill. The rock fell onto the street, making a gentle cracking sound.

“Steve, people in this world die everyday because of our incompetence. As long as there’s one more person dying because of those goddamn stones, please don’t hold a funeral for me.”

“You know what I mean. The funeral isn’t my point.”

“I know.” Natasha clenched her teeth to hold back the pain as she leaned forward. She touched his forehead with hers and avoided his eyes, “I don’t want you to be alone.”

 

——————

 

\- I don’t want you to be alone.

This promise - she said it twice, and also cashed it twice. 

The first time was when the Avengers team was falling apart, and he decided to embark with the Bucky to start a lonely journey as an internationally hunted fugitive - she jumped onto his fighter and stood by his side.

The second time came when Thanos snapped away half of the living beings on Earth, he watched all his friends turn into ash one by one, and almost thought that he’d have to carry on fighting all alone again - she took his hand.

This time, they finally stopped rushing. They suddenly had the entire world’s time. There was no longer a war to fight, no longer people to save. It was only him and her, and they could spend the rest of their life confessing to each other.

 

But strangled in the silent world after Thanos’ snap, they suddenly couldn’t find anything to say anymore.

Steve finally learned that Natasha wasn’t that difficult to figure out after all. When there were only the two of them left in the entire empty Avengers Tower clinging on to the last hope, Natasha never told any more lies. There was no point anymore, she once said.

There was always some heavy sorrow and remorse in her eyes, but he could also always see the immersive strength and resistance behind them. After a while, they moved out of the Avengers Tower together, and moved into Steve’s old safe house in Brooklyn.

In this hopeless and silent world, as two heroes who carried the weight and responsibility of resorting the world, they never mentioned it again - love or romance or anything selfish like that. But they seemed to have tacitly started regarding each other as their other half.

 

“Leave a light on for me.”

No matter who went outside, they would always tell the other one to leave a light on.

Steve couldn’t remember how many times there were when he had drained all his hope after a full day of mental torture, and had to drag his feet home in the numbness of exhaustion. But when he looked into the window as he turned his key in the keyhole, he would always see the soft light from a table lamp in their living room. Natasha would always have her elbows on the table, fallen peacefully asleep.

He would gently close the door behind him, take off his jacket, pick her up, tug her into the thick and soft blanket and sneak under to lie beside her.

In his arms he could feel her warmth, the heavy sense of existence, and the flame that would make this world a better place.

Natasha would shift herself to be in a more comfortable position, and mumble sleepily in his ears, “you work so hard. Have a good night, Rogers.”

The first syllable carried Natasha’s unique roll of tongue, and the last syllable was as soft as a satisfied sigh.

And then he would be able to sleep well all night. 

 

Sometimes Natasha would also go on missions she’d assigned to herself, and Steve would turn on all the lights at dusk, boil a pot of sweet potatoes, carrots and peas, and make a bowl of Russian red soup to wait for her return.

Some times she would come back at night, sometimes she wouldn’t. 

But whenever she came home, he would always sit in the armchair by the door and read a book to wait for her, and tell her about all the news on the Hudson River.

Maybe this was why he had slowly began to forget that maybe she would not always come back.

She did always come back before. When she snuck into Loki’s base alone to track down the compromised Hawkeye. When she stepped onto his shield and flew up into the sky on the battlefield in New York City. When she turned her back and walked off to face Ultron. When the Avengers split up and they all parted their ways. When she left without saying goodbye after their kiss in the tavern on the Mexican border. When all his friends turned into ash one after another. She would always return and stand by his side, as if she could hear the words he’d been repeating silently in his heart - _Avengers, assemble_. All this time.

 

But they are born and raised on battlefields. No matter how invincible they are, there would always be one day when they would not return from the battle.

He had truly forgotten about this when he sent Natasha to go with Clint on the Time Heist mission. Five years of habit made him feel like Natasha would never leave. At least not today.

 

——————

 

So when the five of them sat by the lake and mourned for her, Steve didn’t even feel any pain. He heard Banner, Clint and Thor arguing over something behind him, but he also didn’t hear a thing.

He just stared at the calm, green lake and suddenly started wondering.

\- Natasha is gone, but would he still hear her heartbeat in the next fire?

 

Then Steve heard someone mention Natasha’s name. He heard Clint saying, “we should give her a proper funeral.”

For the first time that day, he moved his gaze away from the lake. “No.”

-Steve, people in this world die everyday because of our incompetence. As long as there’s one more person dying because of those goddamn stones, please don’t hold a funeral for me.

She said so.

They’ve been walking on this long, painful journey of undoing Thanos’ snap for five years. And they weren’t even half way through. There were still millions in the world waiting to be saved by them.

 

That was why when Steve faced Thanos alone, he had no fear whatsoever.

Too many people died because of them, too many people were waiting for them to save.

Like Natasha, they were all fighting until the last moment of their life.

 

Steve propped himself up with his broken shield, and wiped off the blood dripping from his eyelashes.

He stood straight at his end of the horizon and watched as Thanos’ army slowly descending from the sky.

If his life had to end here and like this, at least this would count as a grand funeral. He thought to himself.

 

——————

 

Later, the war was over, and they lost Tony.

That night, all the exhausted friends who had fought side by side in the battle started leaving the Avengers Tower to return to their own life. By the end of the night, except for Banner, who was preparing the Time Heist machine for Steve to return the stones, Clint and Steve were the only two left behind in this cold, endless and empty building.

 

When Steve walked into the bar on the top floor, Friday was playing Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No.3. 

Steve knew this was Clint’s way to remember Natasha after he’d refused to hold a funeral for her.

Clint said that this Russian composer’s music was as crazy as her.

 

“Cap, just for tonight. I’m heading home tomorrow morning.” Clint took out a rocks glass from the cabinet and gestured toward him. 

Clint was another person who couldn’t just return to his peaceful life like this, not after losing Natasha. He also knew, at least for tonight, Natasha would want someone to stay with Steve to help him through. She wouldn’t want him to be alone.

Steve took the glass from him, but didn’t reach for the drinks. He simple held it in his hands.

 

“I know it’s all meaningless now.” Steve looked at the glow of honey reflected in his glass, “but is there really no other way?”

“We sat in the snow for a long time.” Clint picked up a bottle of Bourbon. He looked at Steve, and eventually only poured a glass for himself. “Even Tasha couldn’t come up with a trick.”

Steve closed his eye and saw her messy red hair flying in the icy wind and snow, occasionally revealing her frown underneath. He couldn’t imagine what Vormir looked like, so he could only see Natasha and the endless blankness stretching behind her.

 

“I told her, Cap. I told her that even if we were to sacrifice someone, it should be me. I wasted five years to vent out my hatred, but she spent five years to hold up the hope for this world.”

In front of Steve, her hair was blown up by the wind, flame bursting from the tip of her red hair.

 

“When she fired her Widow Bites at me, I could see it in her eyes. She was determined to die in my place.”

Natasha had always felt that her death was worth it. Steve was always sure of it. She’d told him many times.

 

“We’ve fought side by side for decades, and we’ve fought each other countless times too. She won almost every time. And this time was no exception.”

Steve knew. She was the most fearless person he’d ever met.

 

“Her eyes were open when she fell.”

Of course. Natasha never blinked even when she fired.

 

Clint finished the Bourbon in his glass, “Captain, the last words she said to me was, let me go.”

Steve opened his eyes and looked at him.

 

“Cap, you should know better than anyone else. Those stones exist beyond us.” Clint shook the glass in his hand, the ice that had frozen into a perfect cube had now been washed into a sphere by the alcohol, “If it’s in our world, she would never be defeated by death.”

“Let her go, Cap. I should never, but you should. At least for your own sake.” Clint turned off the Rachmaninoff Concerto No.3, and turned around to walk into the empty darkness left in the Avengers Tower. Then there was silence.

 

Clint was right.

For someone like Natasha, someone so invincible and fearless, no one could ever kill her. Except for the supernatural forces, something that existed beyond them.

But Steve and Natasha were both people who would never yield to the forces beyond.

 

Steve suddenly thought - when she sat there with Clint in that long, hopeless silence and realized that she had no choice but to obey the rules of the universe, when she jumped off the cliff - did she ever wonder if there was even a slight possibility that they could still conquer the supernatural?

He felt like he knew the answer, but also felt like he would never know the answer.

After all, she would always bring him new puzzles whenever he felt like he could read her.

 

For a while after that, he dreamed of her look when she fell into the cliff.

In his dream, he’s looking at her falling body from above, as if he’s floating on top of the abyss. And he looks into her eyes.

He can’t understand what she’s trying to tell him through her eyes. Sometimes her eyes flicker the fearlessness as she faces death. Some times there are nostalgia and pride for the beautiful world she guards with her life. Sometimes there shines the happiness and satisfaction of having protected the ones she loves. Sometimes, she eyes also have the rage and remorse of having to yield to the rules of the universe. 

 

On his last night before his mission to return the stones, there was a thunder storm. Steve left his windows open as he slept in the deafening wind and rain. In his dream, she still says, “let me go.”

But this time, Steve felt like he could finally read her completely. All those things she’s saying through her eyes that she can’t say with words. Those eyes, they are clearly saying - 

“Hold me tight. Don’t let me go.”

 

The next morning, under the clear sky after a fierce thunder storm, Steve walked into the lab of the Avengers Tower.

“Banner, before I go return the stones, can you help me with one last thing?”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve came to Vormir, and he came to give Natasha her overdue funeral.  
> He brought fire to this frozen planet, overwhelmed by snow and sealed in ice. Steve spread the fire as he climbed up the mountain, summoning thunder from the center of the universe, lighting up a fire in this enteral winter.
> 
> He always heard her heartbeat in the fire.  
> So Steve thought, Natasha was born in fire and belonged to fire.  
> He couldn’t bring back her soul, but at least he could follow the rhythm of her heartbeat and fight against the universe in her place. He could at least say, they did not yield to the planet that took her life.
> 
> But then... maybe they can still grow old together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for liking this story. I tried to explore the details in their relationship without making them seem out of character. Hopefully I did a well enough job to at least make this a complete story.
> 
> I ended up deleting a lot of content to maintain the rhythm of the story, but I'll post the deleted stories and details as a side story some time. This is my debut in English, and I hope it didn't disappoint you. : )

On the scheduled mission date to return the stones, Steve crossed the Brooklyn Bridge one last time at 6 o’clock in the morning. He ran along the Hudson River until he reached the Central Park. When he arrived at their appointed spot, he could feel the sunlight and bird tweets flowing happily in the air. The world was broken and torn just a few days ago, but now it was carrying on peacefully again.

 

Steve also felt peaceful in his heart. This would be Captain America’s last mission.  
The world has gone back to its natural cycle of life and death, and even without him, there would be new hope sprouting everyday.

Banner patted his old friend on the shoulder, and went to stand behind the Time Heist machine. Steve held the suitcase to contain the stones in one hand, and Thor’s hammer in the other.

Over the last few hours, Banner improved the weapon from the universe according to Steve’s request, and loaded the hammer with tinder that could ignite ice and snow.

——————

Steve came to Vormir, and he came to give Natasha her overdue funeral. 

He brought fire to this frozen planet, overwhelmed by snow and sealed in ice. Steve spread the fire as he climbed up the mountain, summoning thunder from the center of the universe, lighting up a fire in this enteral winter.

This is the first time Steve’s done such a thing. He almost wanted to laugh at himself. He was acting like the two kids from Asgard, the arrogant and capricious gods from the Norse mythology.

He hammered tirelessly at the sharp cliff walls, bringing thunders and lightings down with flying sparks.  
The fire followed him all the way up from the foot of the mountain, swirling upwards until the entire Vormir was burning.

When Steve finally reached the top of the cliff of Vormir, he looked down at the abyss burning in fire. He watched as the flames covered this pale and gloomy mountain with a layer of bright, vibrant warmth, and he finally let out a sigh and closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelid, she sliced through the fire and walked toward him again.  
She’s wearing her widow bites on her wrist; she still carries around her waist the explosives that are as aggressive as the red of her hair; next to the explosives she ties the black rope that allows her to climb on any surface; along her thighs her has her double pistols, and on her ankles her delicate daggers are flickering lights in the fire.

She walks toward him in this ferocious and splendid light, tearing the fire apart to save him.

He heard her overwhelming heartbeat, steady and powerful, just as what she had been like all these years. Fearless and scintillating.

 

He always heard her heartbeat in the fire.  
So Steve thought, Natasha was born in fire and belonged to fire.  
He couldn’t bring back her soul, but at least he could follow the rhythm of her heartbeat and fight against the universe in her place. He could at least say, they did not yield to the planet that took her life.

“Natasha, I’m here.” Steve opened his eyes. He stood on the edge of the cliff, with flames crackling in front of him and snow blowing behind.

“If it’s your funeral, you’d definitely want Clint to be the one to make your eulogy. After all he knows the most about you - and he’ll never turn your eulogy into a patriotic preach.”  
“But I’d like to think that the seven years we shared could also count also a unique part of your life. Maybe my eulogy could carry the same weight - and I promise I won’t turn it into a patriotic preach.”  
“They asked me to come and tell you about our victory.” Steve’s voice was as calm as a stream of water, with a little proudness that he would only let out when he was talking to those he was the closest to.

“I would tell you that you’re the most fearless fighter. I would say that your sacrifice is the foundation of our victory. I would tell you those five years when you held up the entire Avengers’ hope meant everything to all of us. But then I thought - for someone strong and determined like you, even if I don’t say any of that, you would still know everything I want to say.”  
“You told me that you used to having nothing, and then you got us - but we didn’t get to do anything for you. Just yesterday Banner was feeling remorseful about this. But I said that… You’d already be really glad to see everyone living a peaceful and beautiful life.”

“These are the things they wanted me to say to you.” Steve bowed his head to look at the blazing flames dancing under his feet.

“But I also have something selfish that I’ve never mentioned to you.”  
The last few words in Steve’s sentence was so light and soft, they were almost lost in the bursting fire.

\- I want to hear your heartbeat again, in this eternal fire. And -

“Natasha Romanoff, I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you.”

 

Steve opened the suitcase, took out the Soul Stone and threw it into the ocean of flames dancing fiercely under the cliff.  
Steve watched as the stone got swallowed by the fire tongue. For one second, her heartbeat in his ears suddenly became deafening.

Steve still didn’t know if it came from his hallucination or his super-soldier enhanced hearing. But he believed that as long as this eternal fire continued somewhere in this universe, her heart would always beating in his ears.

 

——————

Steve woke up under the calm water.  
He tried to breathe, but the smoke filled in his throat seemed to have torn his lungs apart. The expansion of his chest made the water around him tremble a little, and the gentle sound of swaying water ripples suddenly made him aware of the silence around him.

He turned his head to the side, and saw the boundary-less water in the distance, and the tiny ripples by his side. They were stretching and expanding, and then disappearing into the calm water.

Steve hasn’t felt this absolute silence for a long time now. 

He suddenly heard a new rhythm, the tiny and gentle heartbeat, crossing the water and softly transmitted into his ears.  
Steve slammed up.

He saw her standing on the horizon far away form him, her wet, red hair shiny under the purple sky. Behind her, the mountain peak and the sun quietly burned.

“Natasha?” He only noticed the trembling in his voice when he started speaking.

The person whose name was called grinned.

He suddenly lost all the words. His chest was swelling with a huge lump of emotions, entangled and mixed together, rushing to his trembling throat.  
They walked towards each other from the two ends of the horizon, until he touch her eyelashes with a trembling right hand.

“I suppose we won.” Natasha whispered as she lifted her hand to touch his tired eyes.  
“Are you alive?”  
“I don’t think so.” Natasha shook her head with a peaceful smile, “I think I’m just an ephemeral soul, and I’m probably going to disappear soon.”

Steve held her tightly in his arms.  
When Natasha Romanoff got close to him, there was never a sound, never a scent. If it weren’t for the heartbeat drumming in his ears, he wouldn’t even know how to feel her.

“How did you end up in Vormir?” Natasha put her chin on Steve’s shoulder.  
“I came to return the stones.” Steve said, “and to give you a funeral.”  
“Am I your last stop then, Rogers?”  
“No.”  
Steve looked down and opened his palm, showing her the last stone in his hand, shining a bright green light, “Time Stone. At some point, I’ll have to return it to New York in 2012.”

“I—” Natasha looked down at her body, “you… used the Time Stone on me?”  
“2012 was gonna be my first stop. Then I suddenly thought - if I can ever see you again, even if it’s just one glimpse, I would want to make you stay.” Steve smiled softly. “So I would need a lot of time.”

In his dream, she said “let me go”. But her eyes told him over and over again - “Hold me tight. Don’t let me go.”  
So, Steve thought, this time he would not let her go.

 

——————

The sixth summer since Vormir was set on fire, they went to stay in Clint’s guest room for a summer to send Clint’s eldest daughter Lila to college. Comparing to archery, Lila later became much more interested in gymnastics. Clint was upset about it for a long time, but Natasha gladly took over the job of training Lila, and demanded Steve to make fun of Hawkeye together with her. But Steve made a secret deal with Clint’s youngest son Nathaniel. The kid would ask Clint to teach him archery on his next birthday.

The ninth Christmas since Vormir was set on fire, Natasha went back to Russia with Steve. They lived there for three years, she showed him the real winter of the northern hemisphere and the snow of Siberia. She went back to being a ballerina and went on a tour with a local theater, he sat in the middle at all her performances.

The twelfth year since Vormir was set on fire, Bruce Banner found his true love. They went to Bangladesh to attend his wedding. They waited at the end as Banner walked down the aisle with the bride. Clint couldn’t help but make fun of his gray-haired old friend who was now in his 50s, “you look even order when you place yourself next to your bride.” Banner looked back at Steve and Natasha and responded to Clint’s ridicule, ‘that’s not fair. You have to say the same about them. Steve looks like he’s seventy years old when he’s next to Natasha.“ Steve laughed softly, and turned to look at Natasha. She hadn’t aged a day. He noticed for the first time that he was getting old, little by little.

The twenty-fourth spring since Vormir was set on fire, they returned to Wankanda to share the last few years of peace with T’Challa and Shuri before Black Panther’s retirement. Steve could still fight in battles alongside Natasha and T’Challa, but it was obvious he relied more and more heavily on his gears and shield. When they weren’t fighting a war, Natasha learned to weld Vibranium. She had fun making toy-weapons for children in Wakanda, and then Steve was responsible for confiscating the weapons behind her back and secretly handing them over to T’Challa. Natasha actually knew all this time that the toy-weapons she gave out would never stay in the children’s hands for more than an hour, but she still welded more. She thought it was an interesting way to flirt with Steve anyways.

The fortieth year since Vormir was set on fire, silver-haired Steve finally began to grow old. He gradually slipped out of his habit of morning runs, and ate less and less each meal. When the still-young Natasha walked hand in hand with him on the street, people had started to stare with curiosity. So they moved to an isolated town in Maine. One evening, Natasha put her arms around Steve form behind, and put her chin on his shoulder.

“I never thought I could grow old with someone.”  
“Old? You haven’t aged a day, and your hair is still as beautiful as the flame.” Steve teased.  
“You know what I mean.” Natasha smiled. “I just wanted to say that I’ve had a luxurious life with our stolen time.”  
Steve turned around to look at her in the eyes, his voice soft but steady, “Me too.”

“I think… It’s time for you to go to 2012’s New York.” Natasha brushed on his silver hair and then the tiny lines at the corners of his eyes, and kissed him on the lips.

“That’s right.” Steve responded in between their kisses, “I’ve kept you for too long already.”  
“If I can, I’d be happy to stay even longer.” She tapped gently on the wrinkles on Steve’s forehead, “if you also use the Time Stone on yourself.”

They both knew that Steve would never do that, and that was why Natasha dared to joke like this.

There was another thing they’ve both known all this time - Steve must return the stones before he reached the end of his life. And rather than spending the rest of his life feeling uneasy about the looming end in this stolen time, they would rather complete the final mission, and accept the ending in peace. Natasha could see it coming too - Steve was getting old, and it would pain her to watch him worry about the stone as he reaches the end of his journey.

“Is there anything else you want to do?”  
That night, as Steve took out the stone from the dusty suitcase that had been sealed for forty years, Natasha asked.  
“Let’s have a dance.” Steve played a Rachmaninoff Concerto No.3 on his old record player, and extended his hand to her.  
“This music isn’t for dancing.” Natasha still approached him, “especially for an old man like you.”  
Steve laughed.

The flames in the fireplace were burning quietly, and under the old desk lamps, the falling dust looked soft and relaxed. The snow on the window sill reflected the moonlight, casting a clear and clean glow of white on the curtains. The light shining in was warmed and colored by the fire inside.  
They held each other in their arms, and kissed deep and slow.

Steve turned the Time Stone in his hand, in the beautiful green light, he watched as Natasha’s hair faded to silver and her eyes got covered by wrinkles.  
She smiled at him quietly, until she disappeared in the gentle, warm air they shared.

 

——————

The next morning, Steve returned to New York City in 2012.

This was the first time they ever faced the supernatural force, under the broken sky, with alien creatures brining this seemingly indestructible city to doom.  
On the roof of 117A Bleeker Street, Steve handed the stone back to Ancient One.

“Captain Rogers.” The master took the stone and looked at his aged face. Her eyes were kind, as if she was looking at a child, “Time has been kind to you.”  
“Yes. I’ve lived a blessed life.” Steve took a bow. He returned to the chaotic streets of New York.

——————

This time, in the fire of their first battle, the old Steve did not hear Natasha’s heartbeat.  
But he still smiled as he walked through the blazing battlefield, until he reached the corner of the tall building opposite of the Grand Central station. He looked.

On the other side of the street, young Natasha stepped on his shield, and jumped into the sky.  
Her red hair was burning in the flames of the battlefield, bright and vivid like sunset.

 

Having lost the Time Stone, Steve started to feel the price he had to pay for the rules of the universe. His aging accelerated.  
He thought, it would be a tender and romantic ending too, if he could reach his end where everything had started. Steve closed his eyes, and heard the New York he was born in more than a hundred years ago. The same wars, the same hopes, the same indescribable power pulsing through his blood.

He stood there for a long time, until Hulk defeated Loki, until Tony sent the missile into the hole in the sky, until Natasha closed the portal with Loki’s scepter.

Later, the smoke of war and the flying dust were gradually dispersed by the wind, and New York’s sky was clearing up after a fierce battle. Steve heard the familiar laughter from his friends. He opened his eyes and saw his young friends walking down the street.

Tony and Thor strode in the front. Tony was leading everyone to try the Shawarma restaurant that remained open stubbornly throughout the war.

Clint told everyone to go ahead without him, but Bruce stopped to wait for him. Steve and Natasha had to support each other as they walked, they both slowed down to look back. So Natasha naturally pressed all her weight on him. She stopped to make fun of Hawkeye - who was picking up used arrowheads from the ground - and Steve reached out and gently held Natasha’s injured left shoulder.

Old Steve smiled.  
He couldn’t remember what was going through his mind at that time anymore.

But he thought -  
We will have such a long way to go.  
And when the next fire comes, I will start falling in love with you.

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like I finally wrote a story worth translating to English and worth sharing with you all. Appreciate any comments!


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